Once upon a time, when Teen Open Diary was still a thing (wow, do I feel so old right now!!!), I kept a daily blog that chronicled my life and love of all things literature. Even then, that blog was controversial. I can remember writing an entry about living with rose-colored glasses always on. It was inspired by a book that I read and written as a journal-style short story. And let me tell you, my friends were livid when I shared the story with them. No matter what I said, they were convinced the short story was really about them. It’s been almost twenty years since my friend group had that argument–I think I still have a letter that my best friend wrote me confronting me about hurting her feelings stuffed in one of my memory boxes–and the entire situation still bothers me.

I didn’t write the story about them. But they didn’t care. Their minds were made up, and our fourteen-year-old minds were a chaotic mess of hormones that saw red before we saw reason. I ended up taking responsibility for it and apologizing to keep the peace and get everything back to normal even though I did nothing wrong. The story was even published a few years later in a small literary magazine for teen writers, and I couldn’t share it with my closest friends at the time for fear it would restart that argument.

Looking back, I can see how truly messed up the situation was. Friends shouldn’t jump to conclusions like that without their being cause, and I still feel the hurt of that assumption all these years later. But if there’s one thing that I want other writers to get out of reading this story, it’s that our readers don’t owe us anything. And we shouldn’t have this control. They will always have their own opinions and interpretations. That’s the most amazing thing about writing–it’s subjective, and no two people will get exactly the same thing from one story. Readers will always come to their own conclusions, and we have no say in what those conclusions are.

The relationship between readers and the books they consume is sacred. We have no right to insert ourselves into that relationship with demands of four and five-star reviews so we feel good about ourselves. Because that’s not the reader’s responsibility. We would never tolerate the chef in a restaurant coming out to our table to scream at us about how they deserve public accolades across all social media platforms. So what makes authors think that they can do this with their books?

I haven’t posted a book review in quite some time. Part of it is because of the aggressive emails and comments I was getting on my SJM reviews. I deleted several negative reviews of her books and a couple from other authors because of the drama in my inbox for my own mental health as I dealt with a serious eye injury and a family emergency that turned into a long-term ordeal. It’s what I needed at the time, and watching reviewers be raked over the coals by book influencers and self-published authors alike reaffirmed that situation. But I’m going to be bringing the book reviews back. I might be an author, but I’m a reader first and foremost. And my author side needs boundaries with my readers side because all authors need boundaries where readers are concerned. Reviews are for readers.

Full stop. There’s no comma and no “but.” That’s it. So repeat it with me: Reviews are for Readers. They are not for authors. They are not for the friends, family, or loved ones of authors. And they are not something that authors have any right to weaponize against their audience to stoke their own egos.

I don’t expect to like every book. I’m not the intended audience of every book. I check trigger warnings and look up spoilers to keep from stepping into a heaping pile of trauma as a dark romance reader. And I skip anything steampunk because it makes me want to gouge my own eyes out. It’s not the genre for me. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t leave an honest review saying why it’s not for me.

There are many readers who engage with reviews to vet books, and any review that gives an honest opinion is a helpful review for at least one reader that comes across it. Had I read a detailed review of Credence that disclosed there was an on-page sexual assault masquerading as Dub Con, I would either have not read the book or skipped over the scene. There are others who would see that same information in a book and add it to their TBR. If I see a review with steampunk, I don’t engage with it. Other readers might be drawn to that genre. And there are plenty of us dark romance readers who seek out 1-star reviews to create our TBR lists.

Authors, stay out of reviewer spaces. We have critique partners, beta/alpha readers, editors, publishers (for some of us), and support systems in our loved ones. You do not need every reader to be your reader. Create healthy boundaries.

Tips for Creating Author Boundaries

1. Vet your beta/alpha readers, critique partners, and editors.
   • Research is crucial when it comes to getting feedback on your writing. It’s not enough to have someone who is passionate about your story. You need someone who is going to be educated enough in writing that they are brutally honest. It’s why working with at least one experienced writer or editor is so important for those of you who are in the querying trenches or self-publishing. These are the people who are going to fix the developmental issues that pull readers out of the story. I often tell clients that my edits are intense. I’m not in it for your feelings. While I make her effort to be encouraging and uplifting, I will also tell you to do a complete re-write with an excessively detailed rationale behind the recommendation. And I couldn’t do this without experience and continuing to educate myself on writing. Ask about credentials. Make detailed feedback forms that address developmental and craft issues.
2. Studying editing resources.
   • An editor can make all the recommendations in the world, but if you don’t make any effort to understand the importance of these recommendations, it’s going to be harder to accept feedback. Look, I get it. I am the worst at getting negative feedback. I get so made–no matter who it is–and I need a good 24 hours to let myself sit with the feedback before engaging with the person who gave it to me. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I have a lot of trauma from a significant other thinking my writing was a frivolous waste of time because I could never have the skills to succeed as an author. So there are some issues that go deep with that for me. But what does help me is understanding that editing facts don’t have feelings. They don’t care that I have trauma. They don’t care that I need a day to sit with things. They only care about educating me in what will make my writing stronger. When you understand this and have a foundation in the basics, not only can you work on self-editing the smaller things, but you will also improve your interactions with betas/alphas, critique partners, and editors.
3. Be open to constructive feedback.
   • As someone who did a complete rewrite of their first book after received absolutely gutting feedback from an agent and a friend, I get it. Feedback is hard. Not only does it crush some of that thrill from finishing such a monumental project, but it is so overwhelming to think of how to fix all of the issues. Put aside the story, take some time, and come back to it when you can be objective. Once you can do that, read your feedback like you’re reading for someone else. Better yet, evaluate your manuscript like you’re reading for an author you don’t like. If that person got the same feedback that you did, would it be fair? Taking that moment to be open to receiving criticism and suggestions for improvement from the viewpoint of your reader is one of the most important things you can do when revising. Did I want to spend another year rewriting? No. Did taking that objective moment to do so change the entire trajectory of my writing and land me a publishing deal? Absolutely. Give it a try.
4. Do not read your reviews.
   • If you do choose to read them, do not go on public rants about reviewers. Go to a rage room, take up boxing and tape the review to a bag, or grab a bottle of wine and your bestie/journal and vent in private for your own well-being and the safety of that reader. Do something other than engage reviewers or trash reviewers for acting like consumers. They don’t owe you anything, and you will alienate any future readers who see you behaving like a spoiled child.